The Power of Surrender

I received some unexpected news a few days ago, like really out of the blue news and it threw me for a loop. In the quest to figure out my severe anemia, I was sent to a gynecologist, an ultrasound revealing a non-fibroid thickening in my uterus. This doctor casually told me that I needed to have a biopsy to check for cancer, and most likely a hysterectomy to quell the anemia. Hysterectomy I saw coming, but cancer? WHAT? I got caught up in the whirlwind of it all for a couple days, feeling desperately out of control, suddenly robbed of my peace of mind and the illusion that I have any control over anything ever. I immediately tried to take control of my circumstances, obsessively troubleshooting, planning and figuring out every eventuality. My immediate thoughts were of my family, and how to keep all of the wheels rolling and plates spinning no matter what.

I was terrified. I was afraid of being dependent, weakened, and compromised, unable to care for myself for even a little while. The more I tried to figure everything out, the worse it got. Then, two days later an epiphany- my power lies not in control of the situation but in control of how I react to it. I chose to view the situation as a gift, an opportunity to let go of physical and emotional pain that has built up in my body. I was able to let go of trying to figure it all out right now, and trust that it will all work out in divine right order. I have a feeling that when the biopsy is done, all will be fine. I will have the hysterectomy and let go of all the sad memories along with my scarred uterus. The happy memories I will keep- my beautiful living children. My power will be in starting over, freshly.

The world is an overwhelmingly crazy place lately for many of us. It is easy to feel powerless. Remember to breathe, pulling your attention into your heart and into gratitude. Our power lies there, in the light of love. Keep loving no matter what, for the Earth and her inhabitants need it now more than ever.

Loving you all, powerfully,
Ann

 

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash