Intention to Forgiveness

Last month, January, I worked with the word INTENTION and the process of creating enough detail that I would recognize the answer to my prayers when the Universe responded.  But, sometimes, the appeal to the Divine for an answer needs to be loosely defined and full of emotion (energy in motion).

Now February has brought me another word, FORGIVE, along with a heart and the idea of consciously mending my broken heart.  I think that I had gotten so acclimated to carrying the sorrow around that I never really considered what it might feel like if it were mended.

When I dropped my Divine You heart it snapped into two pieces so cleanly it was as if it had broken there more than once.  I asked myself, “Is it possible my heart has broken more than once as well?”  I am sure, like many others, it has.  This process led me to ask, “Who, What, When, Where, and Why”, because I am ready to actualize FORGIVE.

I recognized that my heart had been broken at least two times in the past fifteen years; once by a betrayal and then abandonment by the closest person to me at that time.  After thirteen years of marriage I discovered that I had been led to believe a lie, a story, about his life that was not true.  Not long after that revelation, one of the few people that I could truly be myself with moved out.  I could understand the moving out, children grow up, but to go from an easy-going, loving, and close relationship to the status of acquaintance? Broken hearted.

Then the fear, that if I pressed too hard I would lose completely this blessed child of my heart, kept me from ever being as open or free around them as well as refraining from asking why or what happened, even “What did I do?”  Now, I gaze on my broken heart with its golden scar tissue and I began to pray simply yet with great emotion that Forgiveness surround us both and provide the space in which to create our relationship anew from where we both are now, but with an understanding of the causes.

I can tell you this, when the Divine answers and you have asked so generally, be ready to accept whatever shows up. I can tell you from recent experience that the truth is very rarely ever what you expect.  Now, with this gift of understanding, given to me by the one other person that I can truly be myself with, I am experiencing what it feels like when your heart mends; full of Love and Joy and Forgiveness.

Troy Ballard