I haven’t felt like writing lately. I never know what to write when I am mentally, physically or emotionally down. In those times, annoyed and berating my lack of ability to just ‘get over’ whatever has me down, it is difficult to see how I could possibly make a difference. Was this something I was taught or absorbed as a child? Or as an adult, studying consciousness and transformation? It doesn’t help that healers are often held to a higher, unrealistic standard to display positivity, light and love even when we humanly hit rough patches.
As a reserved introvert, this sort of thinking sends me deeper within myself until I eventually turn the tide. This time, however, I am determined to take a different approach; writing anyway, creating anyway. Isn’t that what art is all about? Only having been taught to hide all of the negatives, it is difficult to think of splashing them about for all to see.
I am reminded of a lesson in authenticity I learned when I participated in a theatre workshop a few years ago. We five women each drew from our lives to create sketches which we then performed together. My portion dealt with the struggle to balance all of my responsibilities as a mother and wife before making my way to the symbolic cup of paint brushes, which I never actually made it to. At one point, the other women, portraying my children, climbed all over me, their voices escalating and bringing an all too familiar feeling up from my own life. I looked pleadingly at the teacher and said, “Help! They aren’t listening to me!” His response was, “Well make them!” I proceeded to subdue them with frustrated screaming. It felt horrible, exposing my dark side like that, but also human, authentic and real. When we performed the piece in front of an audience it was liberating to share humanity that they could relate to.
I am writing today and it is making me feel better. I will go home and do some crafting. Perhaps soon I will find the courage to make some real art that exposes more of my humanity, grief and pain, loss, love, passion, magic, mystery, and the eternal light of the spirit. Next time you are down, I hope you will have the courage to keep creating, for all of the darkness and light of your being is beautiful, precious and irreplaceable.
In love and light,